Silent Sunday: Mother's Day Edition

Today (just like every other day), I am so thankful for the moms in my life!

For this mom, who brought me my wonderful, sweet hubby...

for this mom, who is a little less mom and a little more amazing friend...

and for MY incredible mom, who taught me just about everything I know, was always there to encourage and inspire me (and give me a swift kick in the pants when I needed it), loved me even through my teenage years, acted graciously as a personal chef, chauffeur, and life coach, and has supported me through everything (and then some). I am so lucky!

Happy Mother's Day to all of you wonderful moms out there!

   Love,

    Meg

400 Days

People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.

[Abraham Lincoln]

As hard as I have tried to avoid thinking about it in the past few weeks (and trust me, I have tried hard), the fact that Dan leaves in less than a month just keeps catching up with me. Every single morning, the reminder that I am going to be essentially alone for the next 13 months smacks me over the head and then plants itself right in the pit of my stomach, where the gnawing makes it very hard to concentrate on anything else. Sometimes I'm able to talk a good game with my heart, half-convincing myself that I can do this, that it's going to be fine. Sometimes I go to bed hopeful, believing that 13 months isn't really that long and that it will all be over before I even have time to think too hard about it. Sometimes I can fool myself into thinking that if I only fill every minute of my time, keeping myself booked every day of every week, I'll be too busy to realize the volume of loneliness that I know is coming. But each time I get confident that I'm going to make it through those 13 months without being utterly miserable, I'm reminded of an event that Dan will miss, an activity that I'll have to do without him, or the fact that 13 months is, in fact, longer than an entire year (did you know?). And then I'm back to square one, trying to pick myself up and fighting the urge to simply stay in bed and eat ice cream and cry for the next year of my life (year-plus... because did I mention that 13 months is longer than a year? I know, I'm shocked every time I realize it too).
When the subject of the deployment comes up in conversation, some people point out that it should be easy, because Dan and I have spent so much time apart during our relationship. It is true that we've got a lot of experience in the long-distance department -- until the past year, he and I hadn't lived in the same town for more than 2 or 3 months at a time, and often we didn't see each other more than a few times a month. We've gone as many as 4 months without seeing each other at all (although that was 4 years ago), and we've even made it through 6 weeks with no contact except for letters (those handwritten things that you send with stamps... remember them?) and two phone calls. And while I have never agreed with the logic that the more time you spend apart, the easier it gets, I do know that we've made it through this before. It will be much, much, much longer this time around, but the idea of being separated by thousands of miles is certainly not foreign to us.
The new (and entirely unwelcome) part of the next 13 months? The worrying. I am a worrier by nature. I fret about anything and everything... and more. Saying that I will be anxious about Dan's health, safety, and happiness while he is away is a huge understatement -- I have accepted the fact that there are a lot of sleepless nights in my future. Luckily, I should be able to hear from him often, but I know that I am going to be a nervous wreck for basically the entire time he is gone.
All of this thinking stressing obsessing over Dan's departure, however, has made me realize that, for better or for worse, I have two choices: I can cave into the misery and essentially waste over a year of my life on something I have no control over, or I can accept that it's not going to be easy but do my best to make it through with a smile. On one hand,I know that it would be so easy to just give in and stumble through the next year in a haze, allowing the thundercloud overhead to drench me day after day. Yep, feeling sorry for myself and letting the loneliness overtake my life would be so simple. But I've never met a challenge I wasn't prepared to take on. So my goal for the next 13 months? It's simple: be happy.
I've been in a relationship for almost 6 years now, and I will admit that sometimes I think I've forgotten how to be happy on my own. When you have a boyfriend/fiance/husband who tells you he loves you, takes you to see girly movies, cooks you amazing dinners, sometimes allows you to be little spoon, and occasionally sends you beautiful flowers, it's kind of easy to sit back and let those little details create your happiness. I don't think that's a bad thing, but 6 years later when you're facing 13 months without the person who makes you happier than anything, it's a little shocking to realize that you're not really sure what else makes you happy. I know that Dan isn't the only thing that makes me smile (Dunkin Donuts' iced coffee is proof of that), but over the next year (-ish), I am determined to find new ways to cheer myself up and enjoy life. While I have so many people to support me and help me along, I know that it I have to take a little time to put myself first, and I think I owe it to myself to explore my own happiness
I'm not really sure what the next 400 days of my life hold. I do know that they are not going to be easy, and that sometimes I'm going to need a little time just to be sad. I know that they are going to feel incredibly long, no matter how busy I am, but that, in reality, none of them will take more than 24 hours. I know that there will be a lot of counting down involved -- until the next email, the next phone call, and the day that I get to finally see him again. But I also know that I am going to do whatever it takes to make these 400 days happy ones, despite the rather large obstacles to that. I know that they are going to involve lots of meals with family, lots of quality time with my netflix account, lots of miles of running, lots of laughs with friends, lots of furry snuggling (get ready, Toby), lots of nights curled up with a good book, lots of blog posts, and lots of cross-town trips just for my favorite coffee. These days may also require occasional bouts of retail therapy, big doses of comfort food, hot bubble baths, random dance parties, relaxing pedicures, massive bowls of pasta, Friends marathons, and ridiculous amounts of late-night baking. Whatever it takes, I'm committed to making each and every day worthwhile, combating the loneliness with everything I have, and making my happiness a priority.
For the next 400 days, a huge piece of my life will be missing, and not a day will go by that I will not worry about him and miss him terribly. But no matter what, I won't allow these days, weeks, and months to be lost in misery. I will fill my time with happiness, in whatever form that may take, and maybe... hopefully... I will learn a little bit about myself in the process.

   Love,

    Meg

Faster than the Speed of Life

I keep waiting for life to slow down. And waiting.... and waiting. At this rate, I'm pretty sure I'll still be waiting 20 years from now. These days, the weeks are as busy as the weekends, the days as busy as the nights, and my google calendar is starting to look like it used to in college. Runs have to be scheduled and prioritized, meals quick and simple, and sleep? I'm sorry, I don't think I know what that is. Let me find a dictionary and get back to you. 
For now, though, I'm actually trying to take on as much as I can and welcome all the craziness, because I know that once Dan leaves, staying busy will help the time go a little bit faster. The only problem is that often I run out of time for many of the things that I love: when my schedule starts to fill up, among the first things to get dropped are baking, reading, catching up with friends, and blogging... and cleaning, but who am I to complain about that? Today, though, I am determined to make some time for at least a few of these things (I have a date with a cup of coffee and my kindle tonight), especially after all the craziness of the past weekend/week:
Friday morning before work I headed off to the gym (at the same time I always do) and watched the lovely royal wedding from the treadmill. I was so engrossed in the crazy hats and Kate's gorgeous dress that I got through 5 miles without even noticing. I'm thinking the royals should get married more often. (Also, as a note of clarification from Friday: I do know that Kate is a common nickname for Katherine, but every Catherine I know goes by Cate. Thoughts?) Friday was a super-productive day at work and afterwards I headed out for a little quality shopping. When I got home, I crashed from the week and slept. Hard.
Saturday I went running on my newly discovered running trail. I intended to get in at least 7 miles, but my body definitely wasn't feeling it and the hills just about killed me, so I took it slowly and ended up heading for home after only about 5. Last week was pretty great week of running, so I was a little bummed to end on a low note. I did, however, explore the neighborhood a little more and discovered three new trails through some light woods that were well marked and seemed pretty safe. I will definitely be heading back to them before too long!
When I got home, I made a quick grocery run and then Saturday evening, we had Dan's father, his brother and his girlfriend, and our friend C over for dinner. Dan grilled burgers, chicken, and corn and I made baked beans, pasta salad, and these yummy carrot cake cupcakes. C brought some fantastic wine and we all had a great time.
Sunday was a little bit lazy -- Dan and I ran errands around town during the day and had planned to go out to dinner that night, but went home to change and decided we were both too tired. We ended up staying in, ordering food, and watching one of my favorite movies:

Dear Zachary: A letter to a Son about his Father

I've wanted Dan to watch this with me since I saw it almost a year ago. It is heartbreaking, astounding, horrific, and inspiring all at the same time -- definitely not a happy movie, but one that I think everyone should see. Watch it with someone you can cry sob in front of (even the 3rd time around): you've been warned.
Monday and Tuesday were both ridiculous days at work, filled with big meetings, deadlines, and major to-do lists. Two of the huge projects I've been unceremoniously dropped into (mid-way through the planning) are going into their testing phase next week, so stress levels are running high... and patience levels low. I will be truly surprised (but thrilled) if everyone in my department makes it through the next month without exploding... especially myself. I get overwhelmed just thinking about it, but at least I'll be too busy to think about the fact that Dan won't be welcoming me home from work anytime soon. Luckily, Monday and Tuesday evenings more than made up for the rest of the day: Monday Dan and I went out for a great date night, and yesterday I went for a fantastic run and then met up with C for dinner, wine, and some girl time.
As you can tell, none of this leaves a whole lot of time for relaxing, so the next few days are all about catching up on the little things. I went for a long run this afternoon and spent almost an hour on the phone with my bestie. I'm also hoping to finish the book I'm reading, cook some mexican for Cinco de Mayo tomorrow, and catch up a little on sleep.
Hope that you all are also finding time for the little things that are so essential to sanity. Luckily, the weekend will be here again before we know it!

   Love,

    Meg

Silent Sundays: Wedding Pictures!

I still haven't made it through all of the pictures from our small wedding, but of everything I've collected so far, these are the best:

[Dan and the boys setting up our venue, my bestie M helps me get ready]

[the first kiss]

[husband and wife]

[my stepmom and I, cute cousin, my grandfather and mom and I, mom and I]

[all of our parents]

[the "wedding party" -- my bestie and Dan's brother, Dan's brother and his adorable girlfriend (on their way to prom after 
our ceremony), the four of us, me with my two new little brothers]

[my amazing best friend]

[champagne and cupcakes!]

[a few honeymoon shots: heading out with Dan's truck decorated, reading on the beach, Dan and his beloved truck, and the gorgeous 
sunrise we enjoyed on our last day]

   Love,

    Meg

Friday Favorites

Oh hey there Friday. You certainly took your time this week, didn't you? Seriously, friends, this week did not play fair. I'm pretty sure someone squeezed an extra day in there when I had my back turned. The good news, though, is that it's finally over. This weekend could not be any more welcome!
I've been feeling a little bit under the weather since about Tuesday -- that headache has hung around, my legs have been super sore (thanks to almost 20 miles in the past 5 days), and I've been especially tired. Every day I have promised my body an early bedtime, but sadly I have neglected to keep my word on that and I keep finding myself still awake trying to get things done at night. Last night I spent over 2 hours vacuuming, cleaning the kitchen, putting away laundry, and a thousand other tasks that have been piling up. While I'm glad that I got a lot done, this morning I really wished I had just given up and gotten two extra hours of sleep.
BUT today is Friday, the sun is out, and I have these lovely tidbits to share with you this week:

Have you been to one of these fantastic stores? I'd never heard of them until I went Christmas shopping with my bestie last December, but it was love at first sight. I purchased several gifts while I was there (and may or may not have gotten a thing or two for myself...) and have been dying to go back ever since. Or until two weeks ago, when I stumbled upon hometown's very own newly-opened shop. Hurray! I walked through quickly and looked around, but didn't allow myself to spend any money (oh, the willpower). I am already planning a return trip though: my jewelry collection is just crying for growth (I wear the same few pairs of earrings constantly) and I would love to find a home for some of their gorgeous decorations. Who can deny such a wonderful cause?

Confession: my survival this week required two trips to Starbucks. I try really hard to limit myself to one Starbucks run a week for the sake of both my waistline and my wallet (notice I make no such effort to contain my Dunkin' Donuts obsession... we all know our boundaries, right?) Some weeks, however, call for breaking the rules a little bit. Besides, the pumpkin bread? It calls to me sometimes.

This goofy wonderful guy always knows how to make me smile... and laugh out loud in a room full of cubicles. Our email conversations throughout the day are completely random, hysterical, and totally make my day. Recently he wrote me with a list of "exotic" animals he wanted to try as pets, including an Eastern Wallaroo (named Wall-E) and a Toyger to be friends with Toby. I agreed to both of these, but not the monkey who he wanted to train to run with me. I run so slowly, I'd hate to hold back a poor monkey.

Ahhh, retail therapy. I went shopping after work today and made a few exciting purchases: an adorable bathing suit top, a cute ruffle top, a new pair of running shorts, a pair of $1 earrings, and a really great dress for work. Unfortunately, I couldn't find pictures of most of these new additions to my wardrobe, so the above are stolen from my online wish list. I am especially in love with the one on the right -- so cute and perfect for summer! And speaking of wishing...

Yes, I watched the royal wedding this morning. I'm at the gym crazy early anyway, so I turned on the tv and read subtitles while I sweated through 5 miles. I thought it was a gorgeous ceremony and I definitely drooled over Princess Kate's gorgeous dress (does anyone understand why she's Catherine but Kate?), but I thought Pippa was  truly breathtaking. I can't imagine it's easy being the sister of royalty, but she seemed so graceful and sweet. She also just might have the cutest name in history. 
Hope that you are all as ready for this weekend as I am. Dan is determined to grill tomorrow night, and otherwise I'm hoping we will have a quiet, relaxing weekend. Sadly this is Dan's last (entire) normal weekend at home, so it will be bittersweet but hopefully fun!

   Love,

    Meg

A Lovely Discovery

Yesterday morning as I left the gym after pounding out another 4.5 miles, I was hit with a realization that I never saw coming: all of a sudden, it struck me that I was absolutely positively sick of running on a treadmill. I suppose it's not all that surprising -- in the past 2-3 months, I've logged over 200 miles, the great majority of which were completed on the treadmill. Don't get me wrong, I'm really thankful to have such easy access to a great gym -- I'm a wimp during the cold months, and without such an unavoidably convenient way to run inside, I'd still be making excuses and avoiding running like the plague. Truthfully, I've never thought running on a treadmill was as bad as a lot of people think. Once you get past the whole running-in-place thing, it's pretty nice to be in a temperature controlled environment with easy access to bathrooms, no need to carry a water bottle, and the ability to watch tv (although I never take advantage of that last one) Despite all these benefits, as of yesterday morning I was officially experiencing treadmill burnout.
The only difficulty? My neighborhood, as I've mentioned, is not runner friendly. Essentially, the neighborhood itself is built into a small mountain (great for hill-work but not more than once a week), and when you get out onto the main road there is no sidewalk, tall grass, and a fair amount of traffic. These are all pretty major problems.
This morning, though, I was determined to find somewhere to run outside, even if I had to run laps around the dog park. I decided to take a chance on the one place I'd never been: the neighborhood across the street. I still had to run along the main road to get there, but it's less than a quarter mile away and I figured it was worth a try. I'm so glad I did -- guess what I found?

A great little running path! I haven't explored the whole thing, because my legs were seriously sore this morning, but I was so busy being thrilled about my new running spot that I barely noticed. It is scenic, fairly popular (read: safe, Mom and Dad), and a great balance of hills and flat stretches. The best part, though, was this:

That's right, there's a half-mile loop around a little pond, complete with honking geese and lots of pretty trees. Perfect! Plus we got a ton of rain here last night (and more this morning, I barely made it home before another storm hit), so the air was cooler and the path was still wet. Running right after a storm is my favorite!
I'm so excited to have somewhere I can run outside -- even in the mornings before work. Unfortunately I don't think the trail is long enough for a long run, but it's definitely ideal for a quick few miles during the week. I doubt that I'll stop using the treadmill totally, but I'm really looking forward to mixing it up a little bit!

   Love,

    Meg

Terrible Tuesdays

It's official: Tuesday has become the new Monday. With Dan still home from the weekend (why can't I work 4 day weeks?), Mondays are much more bearable because I know that I'm not coming home to an empty apartment. Tuesday, on the other hand...  

Dan woke up this morning around 4:30 and left by 5, meaning that I didn't get back to sleep until at least 5:30. My alarm went off at 6 (and then again at 6:05) to drag me out of bed and to the gym. Since my neighborhood lacks in the "providing a safe place to run" department, I am relegated to the treadmill for any early morning workouts, since there is just no way that I am going to get up early enough to drive somewhere to run and then drive home to shower. 6:00 6:05 is already pushing it, really.

I got to work and my stress level got another little jolt when I started to have weird, blurry tunnel vision. I sat at my computer for about 20 minutes but was barely able to focus on the screen, an unnerving feeling in itself, but one that I knew was only foreshadowing the big event: a monster of a headache that was sure to follow. Eventually the vision corrected itself, and the headache certainly did make itself known right on schedule, but luckily it wasn't nearly as bad as I expected. A little caffeine (best excuse to drink a cherry coke I've ever heard) and a few Tylenol kept it at bay enough for me to focus on my to-do list... which was lucky, because I was ever-so-graciously handed another big project at work today. Lovely. My desk looks like a cyclone blew through and my calendar has gone from empty to booked solid in about three days. The office used to be so low-stress, but now my morning runs are a cakewalk compared to the hours between 8:30 and 5.

Now, to end such a fabulous day, I'm sitting in Panera, having resorted to a strategy I perfected in my college days: when your living space is a mess, relocate. After a weekend of too much baking and too little cleaning, the chaos of my kitchen has begun to creep into the rest of our apartment, and I am now in full avoidance mode. Also, there's that thing about the apartment being empty. Which, recently, comes with the added reminder that it is going to be empty a lot in the next year and a half. Panera is loud and busy, so here I am. The best part though? It was sunny and gorgeous when I walked in, and now it is absolutely pouring. We're talking inches per second here. And my umbrella? In the car, at least 100 yards away. Where else?

Lest you feel too bad for me, though, there were a few little bits of happiness that saved today: a pretty pink scarf to match the (formerly) gorgeous weather, leftover pizza from a great night last night (which included wine and a good friend), an extra long run this morning that was felt easy and good, and the promise of my warm bed on the other side of this horrific rain. Sometimes you just have to focus on the little things, right?

Here's hoping that all of your Tuesdays were... more Tuesday than Monday!

   Love,

    Meg