December 13, 2011

Over Capacity

I'm pretty sure that I've blown through my quota of emotions for 2012 in the past two weeks. But as overwhelming and exhausting as it has been, this fact is strangely comforting, because it means that I must be in for a quiet, calm, blissfully boring year starting next January: a prospect which sounds positively delightful. I am quite possibly the only one on the planet who has her fingers crossed for a new year filled with nothing astonishing, nothing thrilling, nothing even out-of-the-ordinary. 365 uninterrupted days of normal sounds just fine to me, thanks.
Despite the limits to which my emotional capacity has been stretched lately, I certainly can't complain, because along with the absolutely awful (which I am not going to talk about now, and probably won't for a while), there was the absolutely wonderful: the return of a certain very special person to my arms. Words can't begin to describe how happy I am to have him home, safe, and with me during such a tough time. I have to remind myself constantly that our life together is not on a deadline this time around -- it has been over 11 months since I've been able to spend more than 5 consecutive days with him, and this stretch of unlimited time in front of us feels foreign but amazing. Instead of staying awake all night worrying about his safety and health, now I'm losing sleep thinking about all the little things I'm looking forward to: snuggling up for a movie on the couch, cooking together, coming home from work to find him napping with our furball. And in a time like this, when so much of my brain is struggling to cope, to understand, and to find a new normal, these little things are what keep me going. I am so very lucky to have my best friend back.


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