Resolute: 2013

Happy 2013!

And now that makes 5 times today that I have typed the date incorrectly and had to go back to change it, even as I am in the process of acknowledging that a new year has begun. It will take me until at least halfway through January to get this figured out. I don't deal well with change, have I mentioned?
We had a nice quiet New Year's Eve, exchanged a champagne-sweet kiss at midnight, and I promptly fell asleep on the couch for several hours before dragging myself up to bed in the wee hours of the morning. Always nice to start the year with a crick in one's neck, yes? I hit the gym yesterday morning for the first 5k of the year (recently my running has been killing me... I would have loved to log a few more miles on 1/1 but this was all I could get through without crying yesterday). Dan made a yummy brunch and then headed off to work, and I spent the rest of the day deep cleaning. I made a lot of progress, but still have so much left to do... I wish I could take a week off just to organize my poor house. We still have stacks of wedding gifts that are now supporting more stacks of Christmas gifts, all patiently waiting for a home. One of these days.
I made two kinds of New Year's Resolutions this year: abstract, lofty, I'm-going-to-be-a-perfect-specimen-of-a-human-being-by-next-December-31, and realistic, specific, I-might-be-a-little-bit-better-but-basically-still-the-same-old-me-just-slightly-more-experienced-by-next-December-31. I hesitated on whether to share them with the world, because although I enjoy making resolutions, I don't so much enjoy looking back throughout the year to congratulate or castigate depending on whether or not I'm actually following them. I decided on a compromise -- here is a list for now, but don't hold your breath for a follow-up post... unless I do a great job at keeping them, in which case I might write about how I'm totally on track to be perfect by December. My blog, my rules.

The Specific Goals

Read a book every month
I have officially become terrible at reading. I was so excited to finally have some time to read over our honeymoon and brought several books that I was excited about, but smart me picked the most dense, slow read I owned to crack open on the first airplane. I did read a ton, and I really liked the book... and returned a week later, less than halfway through the damn thing. I'm still trucking along, but it's likely that this will end up being January's book... if I can finish it in the next month. I am going to try hard to make more time for reading in the evenings, which will mean putting down the phone/iPad, turning off the tv, and finding some way stay awake for more than half a page. Here are a few of the books I'm hoping to get through this year:

Try something new in the world of fitness every month
My gym time is incredibly boring. I run, I spend some time on the elliptical when I need a break, and I run some more. While sometimes sticking to what you know is best, I often feel guilty that I'm not really taking full advantage of the pricy gym membership. My focus will still be on running, but this year I'm hoping to mix it up a bit: take some yoga classes, try spinning, and finally sign up for a pure barre class (at another gym) that I have been dying to try. To get started, this month I made up a "plank challenge" that will involve a daily plank that gets longer each day... still working on the details. It has been months since I did much ab work, so I'm already dying 2 days in... whee!

Watch less bad TV and more decent shows and movies
I often spend hours watching mindless, terrible tv and reruns of shows that I've seen a billion times, while there are a ton of great new shows I've been wanting to watch, and my Netflix queue spilleth over. I am vowing to no longer get sucked into a housewives marathon or a Family Guy episode that I could quote by heart... but let's be real, at 9:00 every Tuesday night, you'll still find me soaking up every awful moment of Dance Moms. Otherwise, though, I'm going to get started/caught up on these:

Cultivate my sense of adventure in the kitchen
I am very out of the box and brave when it comes to baking and desserts, but our dinner rotation (as my poor husband can attest) has stagnated somewhere between "breakfast for dinner!" and "some sort of baked chicken again?" I am hoping to discover some new recipes in the coming year that we both enjoy, and I'm also pledging not to be deterred by scary words like "poach," "chiffonade," and "add mayonnaise" (I kid you not, just typing that word made me shudder. That's probably one thing that won't change in my kitchen this year... if it can't be made with greek yogurt or sour cream instead, it probably won't be made at all.)

Take more pictures for the ol' blog
'Nuf said.

Lofty resolutions:

Reset my inner clock
Remember how last year I resolved to stop running late? Well, it's a year later and here I am finally getting around to it. While there were a few moments of glory in 2012, this was generally a big fail. So we try, try again...

Communicate better
I also resolved last year to get better at staying in touch with friends. I am extending this one as well, because in 2012 I: 1. didn't do well and blamed it on wedding craziness, and 2. did much better as a direct result of the wedding (staying in closer touch with friends becomes sort of essential when they're in your upcoming wedding party and you're trying to find shoes for them to wear). So this year I'm re-resolving, free of any wedding-related influences. 

Declutter
This is the massive umbrella resolution under which most of my life-changing aspirations fall this year. I want to declutter everything: my house, my desk, my work, my brain, my life. I want to simplify and organize and streamline and cut out the people and things that are weighing me down. I want to sweep out my head and get rid of the things that constantly plague me but are never going to change. I want to be more efficient and get things done faster. I want to stop wasting my time and energy on things that aren't making me a better person (I guess some of that's not exactly decluttering, but go with it). I am determined to come out a much lighter, calmer, happier person on the other side of this year.

Ready, set...

   Love,

    Meg

Photo Blitz

This blog is officially so-far-behind-I-don't-know-where-to-start. So-far-behind-it's-overwhelming. So-far-behind-I-don't-know-if-I'll-ever-catch-up. I keep thinking that if I wait long enough, I'll get so-far-behind-that-I-look-around-and-find-I'm-actually-ahead... but it appears that this is not a circular course. Bummer.
You see, a few weeks ago, there was this little holiday called Thanksgiving (remember that? so long ago!). So I lost a few days pulling my head in and out of the oven, trying not to let anything burn. And then we barely had time to take a breath before my birthday had arrived, and although it was a quiet and relaxing and wonderfully low-key day, it didn't leave much time for blogging. And then, right after my birthday, piling up like the best train wreck ever came 8-ish days of glorious vacation. And then there was a little recovery phase, in which I spent lots of time wishing I was back on the beach and grumbling about the gym, work, and my dirty house. Trust me, you wouldn't have wanted to hear from me during that fun few days. And that, my friends, equals two weeks that, while not so silent in real life, resulted in a little cricket music around here.
So here we are, entirely too many days into December already, and I'm behind.  So I'm catching up the only way I can think of: in pictures. Lots and lots (and lots) of random pictures. Sorry about that.
[Disclaimer: All of the following came from my iPhone, meaning 1. many are too dark, overexposed, fuzzy, or otherwise low-quality... this is not an art exhibit, and 2. this doesn't include a single shot of most of the fun things we did, because I didn't have my phone on or even with me the majority of the week. The better pictures (in terms of both quality and excitement) are on Dan's camera, so I'll share them another time.]

taken on my birthday... definitely my new favorite picture of us

the Dunkin Donuts that made arriving at the airport at 3:30 in the morning (after a 2.5 hour drive) absolutely worth it

boarding the plane

sunrise flight to Miami

our first view of the island -- Grantley Adams International Airport

part of our incredible suite at the resort

a bathroom too beautiful (and huge) not to share -- enormous walk-in shower, gorgeous jacuzzi, and a closet big enough for me to live in. nevermind the awkward angle of the picture... I was busy balancing my phone and a rum punch.

the view from our incredible balcony

balcony and our private plunge pool to the left

view from my nap the first afternoon (Sunday)

Monday morning on the beach...

... Monday afternoon by the pool. (Are you tired of my toes yet?)

This guy joined us for dinner Monday night in our private room at the resort's Japanese/Thai restaurant Zen (the best restaurant on the island according to Zagat). He seemed to like the food okay too.

beautiful sunset from Tuesday's oceanside dinner at Mullins Restaurant

rainbow on the island following a signature Bajan 10 minute downpour

One of the six gorgeous resort pools...

... and another. This one was built into the cliff overlooking the resort's beach:

... so this was the view below (although taken later in the day).

sunrise over the beach

my attempt to capture the panoramic view from our balcony

a very sad goodbye from our plane

our view from the hotel on a very foggy night in New York City (that's one of the 9/11 reflecting pools in the top left)

... and despite being politely asked not to, someone grew a bit while we were gone.....

At some point, I hope to write a more complete recap of all the fun and exciting things we did in Barbados -- a great catamaran cruise, swimming with sea turtles, riding horses on the beach, and getting flooded out of our apartment on the last night (there's fun and then there's fun). Tomorrow, I'll share some of the yummy food and drinks we enjoyed!

    Love,

    Meg

Friday Favorites

Despite the unquestionably wonderful addition of fur to our household, I have managed to have what can only be described as a crap-tastic week. Little things have gone wrong, big things have gone wrong, little things have caused more big things to go wrong, and every day I've felt a bit like I was trying to walk up a very steep hill with a few dozen landmines planted -- you never know which step is going to explode right in your face. 

In my car on the way to work this morning, I thought of all the things that I could put on my anti-favorites list this week: bad drivers, mean people, expensive bills, cold weather... let's just say it was a long list with a lot of specifics. But in an effort to end the bad week right here and not let it contaminate my weekend, I've decided to focus on the things that are still making me smile, even as I keep getting knocked down that hill.

Since the death of my jeep, I've had the thrill of being able to drive a car with a fully functional dashboard, turn signal, heat, and so many little comforts that I missed terribly in my clunker. This car also came equipped with the holy grail, however: heated seats. My buns have never been happier, let me tell you. Thankfully, the car I'm looking into purchasing (this current ride is relatively temporary) also comes with heated seats, so I won't have to give this up anytime soon. Now if only I could rig my office chair....

The picture quality is terrible, but I was pretty proud of this dinner I whipped up the other night. We've had a friend staying with us for a few nights, so I felt the need to actually cook and decided to try a new recipe (from my tried and true and very favorite food blog, of course). The chicken and risotto recipe is here, and it was absolutely delicious (and those are mushrooms, in case you were worried). The asparagus was also pretty yummy, and made me wonder again why for years I avoided what has now become one of my favorite veggies.

If I were the kind of person who had the time/organizational skills/motivation/time to send out cute Christmas cards, this is definitely the one I would pick. Sadly (luckily?), 1. I don't, and 2. those suckers are expensive. But how gorgeous? A girl can dream. This whole shop is full of adorable temptations... so dangerous.

Enduring truth: there is no day so far gone that one of these babies can't do a surprising amount of damage control. I'm not sure whether it's the cheery red cup or the amazing stuff it holds, but I am a total sellout when it comes to peppermint mochas... they just make me happy, darn it.

Of course no list of favorites would be complete without these two little furballs. I am so lucky to have them around to keep me smiling... and to keep my feet warm. They are truly two of the sweetest animals I have known, and Dan and I are so glad that we got two snugglers!

And last but definitely most important, look who is almost here:

 

I'm so excited I can't even stand it! It is absolutely not an exaggeration that I spend the whole year looking forward to these few hours. The anticipation is killing me!

Happy weekend, everyone!

   Love,

    Meg

The Brighter Side of the Internet

Some days, the internet is a depressing place. It seems to be full of junk like celebrity gossip, misinformed political rants, and advertisement after bad advertisement. You have to wade through puddles of spam emails advertising a chance to "win a million dollar$!," snarky facebook comments, boasting declarations of superiority, and the constant inundation of disrespect, whining, and selfishness that characterizes social media sites and beyond. It's even easier to get drenched in the truly upsetting corners of the web -- reports of international strife, economic collapse, hunger, oppression, and violence. Given enough time, anyone could find themselves struggling to stay afloat in the flood of ignorance, hate, and despair.
Sometimes, though, you stumble across something good -- something that inspires, comforts, and restores your faith in humanity. Amidst the rubble, something glimmers with hope for change, love for one another, a promise that the world isn't quite the dark place it often appears. Something speaks to your very soul, compels you to listen, and encourages you to share. So today I'm sharing, because the world could use a little sunshine to balance all that rain.

Heard this report on the radio this morning. Crying your eyes out on the way to work is always the best way to start a Wednesday, no? Such an inspiration. Take a few minutes to listen (the article is good, but the audio itself is better)... and have a kleenex handy.
 

This little guy kind of breaks my heart. I love that he is holding the firefighter's hand as he drinks. This picture is just one of a great collection of powerful photographs.

Another inspirational NPR snippet (yes, I am quite proudly addicted) on the power of running. I love the quote at the end: "I feel like you meet yourself again when you run."

wonderful Pinterest find

This letter... nothing I could say would do it justice. It's one of those things that everyone should be required to read.

[via]

I've always had a hard time with the concept that "everything will be okay in the end." It drives me crazy when people try to comfort me with this, because really, some things just aren't okay. This is much more my speed.

And just in case that wasn't quite enough warm-fuzzy inspiration to get you through your Wednesday, here's one last shot at it:

 

   Love,

    Meg

Friday Favorites: Recipe for a Friday Morning

As Friday mornings go, taking into account that whole have-to-get-up-and-go-to-work thing, this one was relatively lovely. It started off on a good note, as I woke up next to this snugglebug:

I was running early this morning (which never happens) and was rewarded with a blissfully empty gym for most of my workout:

that, except dark (tanks to our neighborhood's website for this pic)

... which was powered by some excellent new purchases, including this song:

Gives me chills every time.

The weather outside is just perfect today. It had already hit 60 by the time I left for the gym, and on my way to work it was pouring in some parts of town but not raining a bit in others. These pictures were taken from the same spot -- one side sunny, the other looking a little ominous. 

My morning commute included my favorite five minutes of radio every week:

mascara alert: today's is a sad one

and a stop at Starbucks for a healthy dose of chai:

yum.

Even after all that, I was early getting in to the office, which afforded me a lovely 30 minutes to get work done before the phones started to ring.

blurred to protect the innocent... or something like that

Two to do lists are better than one? Things at work are crazy right now and are only going to get worse in the next few weeks. I suppose it's better to be busy than bored, at least.

My quiet half hour was also enhanced by the best sourdough toast on the planet:

excuse the missing bite... I couldn't wait

What a great way to start the day! Now only 5 more hours until I am officially on weekend time... I am so ready for this one.

Hope that your Friday morning was just as wonderful!

   Love,

    Meg

Thankfully

I was all set to write about how today has been a fabulously crap-tastic day. How it has been just one in a string of several truly terrible days. How for the past week, I've gone to bed each night repeating to myself "Tomorrow will be better. It just has to get better." And how, each day... it hasn't. From car issues to health issues to family issues (and have I mentioned that I really miss my hubby?), it's been a never-ending stream of worry and stress and overwhelming frustration that has left me exhausted and seriously disheartened. I feel like I'm expected as a military wife to either stay impressively positive and upbeat or to completely fall apart, and my pride leaves me no choice but to force myself into the first category. So my acting skills have been getting quite a workout this week, even though the poor cat has watched with concern as I've dragged home every night, collapsed, and burst into tears. 
As tough as the past few days have been, I hate being such a downer and was not exactly looking forward to writing about my bad mood. Thankfully, I don't have to. A few things happened this afternoon that, while small, were able to turn around my entire day. I've felt much better this afternoon, both emotionally and physically, and I feel like I owe a little bit of gratitude:


Thank you to Dan's cousin, who runs the mechanic shop at the car dealership near my work. I had to take hubby's truck in for an inspection, and of course they found several things that needed fixing: the air vent, the license plate light (am I the only one who didn't know this even existed?), the rear brakes... and the list goes on. Luckily, Dan's cousin gave me a great discount and was incredibly kind, telling me to let him know if I needed anything at all while Dan was gone. I was so touched by his thoughtfulness and relieved by the discount that I almost didn't feel the sting of having to spend more money on a vehicle.


Thank you to the girl working the self-checkout lines at Giant today. I ran in to pick up some packing tape for the hubby's first international care package (after fighting with the post office online forms and fees for at least three hours in the past two days), and also to grab a notebook of paper. When I got to the scanner, I realized that the notebook was conspicuously lacking in the barcode department. The young girl working asked if I remembered how much it was, and I was super honest and said "Two something.... maybe 2.79?" even though I was pretty sure it had been more like 2.20. She looked at me, smiled, and pushed a few buttons... "Well today," she told me, "it's $1.99."


Thank you to my legs, which seem to have finally gotten the message. I didn't run for almost a week when I was in Indiana, and getting back into it has been much harder than I expected. I've had a few decent runs since then, but tonight was the first time I felt as good as I had before the trip. With a race in 26 days, I'm really relieved to be back to feeling good and hope that I can keep it in gear and make that registration fee worth it.


And hopefully, thanks to silver linings like these in the thunderstorm that's been hanging around lately, tomorrow will be better.

   Love,

    Meg

Friday Favorites

My favorite thing about today is not that it's Friday (shocker, I know). It's not that it has finally cooled off outside and actually looked like it might rain on my drive to work this morning (everyone needs a rainy day sometimes, and I think I'm overdue). It's not that my running is going well (even though it is), or that I have a clean bedroom (even though I do), or even that the little brigade of ants who welcomed me home from work on Wednesday has been completely taken care of (even though it has, thank goodness). Nope, my favorite thing about today is that this morning, while looking back at the last several weeks, I realized that actually, if I'm honest, it hasn't been that bad.

This past month (-ish) had all the potential to be incredibly, incredibly bad. Not just trip-you-when-you're-not-looking bad, but shove-you-back-down-every-time-you-try-to-get-up bad. Between having to say goodbye to my sweet husband, his brother's serious injury, and all kinds of speed bumps in between, it would have been easy to just sink into the fog of bad luck and misfortune. There were so many times I was tempted to crawl into bed, skip a run, cancel plans with a friend, and wade around a little in my misery (and maybe a bottle of wine). I've gotten lonely, scared, upset, anxious, and frustrated. I've wanted to call it quits, do whatever it took to get Dan out of his contract, and move to a different city state country. Sometimes running away has truly looked like the best option. In short, this month could have sucked me in, chewed me up, and spit me out a much more jaded human being.

In spite of everything, though, and mostly without a whole lot of conscious thought, I've figured out a way to navigate this minefield. I've kept myself running (literally and figuratively) on a steady diet of contact with good friends and family, iced coffee, skype dates with my hubby, and the determination to stay strong for others who needed me, with a little pinch of denial thrown in for good measure. It hasn't always worked, and there were certainly times when I got overwhelmed by everything that's happened, but for the most part, I feel like I've made it through intact. Bumped around and bruised a little, but still smiling.

Instead of looking back on the past several weeks and remembering the bad parts: the goodbyes, the scary phone calls, the hours upon hours of driving, the long sleepless nights in a bed much too large for one body, I am able to recall the happier memories. The tipsy but wonderful vineyard tour with Dan and our best friends. The phone calls and emails from friends and family to check in on me and let me know they are thinking about me. The night after Dan left, when my best friend and I stayed up talking until almost 3 AM. The runs that felt amazing and proved to be incredible stress-relievers. The dinners with my wonderful and (mostly) drama-free family. The nights when my friend C came over just to hang out, watch bad tv, and make sure I was still laughing. And just to prove that despite all the gloom still hanging around, the sun continues to poke its way through at even the most unexpected times, the gorgeous flowers that were delivered this morning to brighten my day:

How does Dan even have time to think of this when he's working so hard?

I am so lucky to have the most loving and thoughtful hubby, a few dedicated (and truly persistent) friends, and an incredibly sane, stable family. They have all made the difference in ensuring this month was "not too bad," instead of the horror it could have become. So my favorite thing right now is not that it's Friday (although that's a close second). My favorite thing about today is that despite everything, I am still able to face it -- and the next weekend, the next week, the next month, and maybe even the next 11.5 months -- with a smile.

Happy Friday everyone! Hope you all have wonderful weekends planned!

    Love,

     Meg

400 Days

People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.

[Abraham Lincoln]

As hard as I have tried to avoid thinking about it in the past few weeks (and trust me, I have tried hard), the fact that Dan leaves in less than a month just keeps catching up with me. Every single morning, the reminder that I am going to be essentially alone for the next 13 months smacks me over the head and then plants itself right in the pit of my stomach, where the gnawing makes it very hard to concentrate on anything else. Sometimes I'm able to talk a good game with my heart, half-convincing myself that I can do this, that it's going to be fine. Sometimes I go to bed hopeful, believing that 13 months isn't really that long and that it will all be over before I even have time to think too hard about it. Sometimes I can fool myself into thinking that if I only fill every minute of my time, keeping myself booked every day of every week, I'll be too busy to realize the volume of loneliness that I know is coming. But each time I get confident that I'm going to make it through those 13 months without being utterly miserable, I'm reminded of an event that Dan will miss, an activity that I'll have to do without him, or the fact that 13 months is, in fact, longer than an entire year (did you know?). And then I'm back to square one, trying to pick myself up and fighting the urge to simply stay in bed and eat ice cream and cry for the next year of my life (year-plus... because did I mention that 13 months is longer than a year? I know, I'm shocked every time I realize it too).
When the subject of the deployment comes up in conversation, some people point out that it should be easy, because Dan and I have spent so much time apart during our relationship. It is true that we've got a lot of experience in the long-distance department -- until the past year, he and I hadn't lived in the same town for more than 2 or 3 months at a time, and often we didn't see each other more than a few times a month. We've gone as many as 4 months without seeing each other at all (although that was 4 years ago), and we've even made it through 6 weeks with no contact except for letters (those handwritten things that you send with stamps... remember them?) and two phone calls. And while I have never agreed with the logic that the more time you spend apart, the easier it gets, I do know that we've made it through this before. It will be much, much, much longer this time around, but the idea of being separated by thousands of miles is certainly not foreign to us.
The new (and entirely unwelcome) part of the next 13 months? The worrying. I am a worrier by nature. I fret about anything and everything... and more. Saying that I will be anxious about Dan's health, safety, and happiness while he is away is a huge understatement -- I have accepted the fact that there are a lot of sleepless nights in my future. Luckily, I should be able to hear from him often, but I know that I am going to be a nervous wreck for basically the entire time he is gone.
All of this thinking stressing obsessing over Dan's departure, however, has made me realize that, for better or for worse, I have two choices: I can cave into the misery and essentially waste over a year of my life on something I have no control over, or I can accept that it's not going to be easy but do my best to make it through with a smile. On one hand,I know that it would be so easy to just give in and stumble through the next year in a haze, allowing the thundercloud overhead to drench me day after day. Yep, feeling sorry for myself and letting the loneliness overtake my life would be so simple. But I've never met a challenge I wasn't prepared to take on. So my goal for the next 13 months? It's simple: be happy.
I've been in a relationship for almost 6 years now, and I will admit that sometimes I think I've forgotten how to be happy on my own. When you have a boyfriend/fiance/husband who tells you he loves you, takes you to see girly movies, cooks you amazing dinners, sometimes allows you to be little spoon, and occasionally sends you beautiful flowers, it's kind of easy to sit back and let those little details create your happiness. I don't think that's a bad thing, but 6 years later when you're facing 13 months without the person who makes you happier than anything, it's a little shocking to realize that you're not really sure what else makes you happy. I know that Dan isn't the only thing that makes me smile (Dunkin Donuts' iced coffee is proof of that), but over the next year (-ish), I am determined to find new ways to cheer myself up and enjoy life. While I have so many people to support me and help me along, I know that it I have to take a little time to put myself first, and I think I owe it to myself to explore my own happiness
I'm not really sure what the next 400 days of my life hold. I do know that they are not going to be easy, and that sometimes I'm going to need a little time just to be sad. I know that they are going to feel incredibly long, no matter how busy I am, but that, in reality, none of them will take more than 24 hours. I know that there will be a lot of counting down involved -- until the next email, the next phone call, and the day that I get to finally see him again. But I also know that I am going to do whatever it takes to make these 400 days happy ones, despite the rather large obstacles to that. I know that they are going to involve lots of meals with family, lots of quality time with my netflix account, lots of miles of running, lots of laughs with friends, lots of furry snuggling (get ready, Toby), lots of nights curled up with a good book, lots of blog posts, and lots of cross-town trips just for my favorite coffee. These days may also require occasional bouts of retail therapy, big doses of comfort food, hot bubble baths, random dance parties, relaxing pedicures, massive bowls of pasta, Friends marathons, and ridiculous amounts of late-night baking. Whatever it takes, I'm committed to making each and every day worthwhile, combating the loneliness with everything I have, and making my happiness a priority.
For the next 400 days, a huge piece of my life will be missing, and not a day will go by that I will not worry about him and miss him terribly. But no matter what, I won't allow these days, weeks, and months to be lost in misery. I will fill my time with happiness, in whatever form that may take, and maybe... hopefully... I will learn a little bit about myself in the process.

   Love,

    Meg

Sometimes It's Okay...

Since graduating from college and dipping my toes into this whole "real life" thing, I've noticed that my perspective on what is "acceptable" has changed in many ways. I worked my butt off during four years of school, but the 8-5 workday has introduced a whole new meaning to the word "exhausted." Turning in work for a grade was stressful enough, but turning in work to a boss? That's a whole new ballgame. Beyond the job front, I've also moved out "on my own"... except, with a boy. If anything will change your perspective on personal habits, let. me. tell. you. I love him to death, but sometimes I wonder if we really are both of the same species. And speaking of species, there's also the fact that I am still a new parent... of a furball. Lots of adjustments!
I have always been a perfectionist (and still am, don't get me wrong), but these new experiences have taught me a lot about when and where it's okay to let go a little, stop feeling guilty, and just live:


Sometimes it's okay... to invite your parents over for dinner... and then ask them to bring dinner. At least I was making dessert!
Sometimes it's okay... to make yourself feel better because even though the girl sprinting on the treadmill next to you has run twice the distance you have and she's barely broken a sweat, she's wearing workout clothes left over from the early 80's. Plus she shouts the answers to Wheel of Fortune. From the treadmill. Awkward.
Sometimes it's okay... to take a compliment. Especially if it's in regards to something you've been busting your ass on lately. Don't minimize the effort, just smile and say thank you (and then do a little victory dance once no one is looking).
Sometimes it's okay... to read magazines online instead of spending the money to subscribe. It's fun to get something other than bills in the mail, but no matter how interesting they look, they will only sit on the coffee table for months. I always get through the Food Network magazine that my mom got me, and I'm so tempted to subscribe to 1 or 2 or 6 more, but I know I'd never have time to read them.
Sometimes it's okay... to miss your fiance terribly when he's gone but to be comforted a little by the fact that there is a little extra space to stretch out in bed.
Sometimes it's okay... to force the cat to sleep in bed with you because the bed feels a little too big without afore mentioned fiance. Luckily we adopted a snuggler, so it doesn't take much convincing for little Toby.
Sometimes it's okay... to visit the in-laws for a yummy homemade dinner that you didn't actually have to cook. Also to accept their offer of leftover macaroni and cheese to take home... but to turn down the broccoli. (Who am I kidding? This is always okay.) 
Sometimes it's okay... to wear a boring outfit to work. It's tough to color-coordinate and accesorize when your eyes are still half shut in the mornings.
Sometimes it's okay... to need a little space.
Sometimes it's okay... to pack a healthy lunch for work... and then go out to get a big, delicious side of hummus and pita to go with it.
Sometimes it's okay... to unsubscribe from all those emails that you never read anyway.
Sometimes it's okay... to drink a glass of tomato juice for breakfast at work and wish that it were a bloody mary.
Sometimes it's okay... to hit the snooze button and sleep through a morning workout, but still get up in plenty of time to stop at Starbucks on my way to work.
Sometimes it's okay... to take a day off from work. I'm definitely not used to getting vacation/personal days, and I'm so tempted to just save them up in case of an emergency. I've only taken one so far, but I am sooo ready for another one already. I miss cancelled classes and spring break and skipping a class every once in a while!
Sometimes it's okay... to cook for just one person. Cereal for dinner gets old. Fast.

   Love,

    Meg

Ringing in the New Year: Nostalgia and Aspirations

We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential.

~ Ellen Goodman

It completely stuns me that 2010 is already over -- the year flew by incredibly fast. It certainly had its share of ups and downs (with a few weird knock-you-upside-down loops thrown in for good measure), but I think it's actually fair to say it has been the best yet. I don't typically make new year's resolutions -- I'd rather grumble to myself when my favorite treadmill is always taken in January and chuckle when, come February, I'm back to being the only one at the gym. But this year I did want to document some of the best parts of 2010 and make a few.... well, let's call them loose goals for the year ahead.

10 Best Moments of 2010:

10. the final advisory meeting for my psych research project: This spring, to finish up the credits for my psychology minor, I completed an independent research project for which I read upwards of 40 articles and wrote a paper. Not exactly a thesis, but still a whole lot of work. By accident, I ended up with a topic that I was able to study from both a psychological and a legal perspective, perfectly combining the minor with my government major for some incredibly intriguing reading. I was also lucky enough to have a faculty advisor who supported this dual approach to the subject and allowed me a lot of freedom, which was exciting but also a little scary -- I had no idea what she would think of the (very long) end result. The paper took me months to research, write and edit, but in the end those late nights payed off: my advisor loved it and said that she actually learned from my work!
9. starting this blog: Even though it's still very much an infant and has a grand total of 0 people reading (except maybe Dan, when he remembers), getting this little blog off the ground was a major step. I've been reading blogs for years and wanting to start my own for almost as long, so I may have had a little private celebration after finally hitting the "publish" button on my first post. It's a little scary to be putting myself out there for anyone (or, as the case may be, no one) to see, but I'm also loving the chance to write about my life!
8. finishing my first 5k: After several months of hibernation last winter, during which I darkened the doorway of the gym maybe twice, the warmth of spring enticed me to start running again. It was pretty rough in the beginning, but with a persistence fairly uncharacteristic of me, I stuck with it. After a month or so, each run was a little bit easier... so I signed up for a 5k in my college town, telling myself that even if I had to walk most of it, I'd at least feel accomplished for getting up that early on a Saturday. I was extremely anxious and wanted to stop running soooo many times over that 3.14 miles, but I made it to the finish line in just under 30 minutes. It was an awesome feeling, and even though at the time I celebrated by promptly going back to bed, I've channeled the exciting energy quite a few times since then when I'm struggling to make it through that last mile.
7. family dinner before graduation: Since my parents divorced when I was in middle school, they have been (luckily) civil and polite but rarely spend more than a few moments in the same room. I was a little nervous about spending the entire graduation weekend with my mom, my dad, and my stepmom -- as much as I love each one of them, Dan and I prepared ourselves for a whole lot of awkward. It was really important to me, however, that I get one dinner with everyone together, so the night before graduation we all piled into one car (oooh the uncomfortable silences) and headed to a fantastic restaurant. Thankfully, with a glass of wine in hand and a plate of scallops in front of me, the night turned out to be fun and drama-free. The conversation was remarkably easy and we all laughed a lot and genuinely enjoyed our evening. I am so lucky to have parents who, even if they aren't still married, were willing to ignore their history and make the night really special.
6. bringing Toby home: I never thought I'd be a cat person -- I was always more comfortable around dogs and tended to that think most cats were an amalgam of teeth and claws better left alone. Although Dan and I are pretty sure that Toby IS actually part dog (he follows us around and cuddles like only a puppy can), he gets cuter each and every day and is rapidly gaining ground toward changing my mind in this matter. In only a month, the little furball has snuggled his way into our hearts.... now if only he'd stop circling and lie down already!
5. picking up the keys to our first apartment: Simply put: I was finally moving out of my mother's house. For good. And moving in with the best roomie ever: Dan. I'm pretty sure I frightened the office manager with my giddy smile.
4. finding two new best friends: I've had a lot of good friends in my life, but I never had a best friend -- a together-since-childhood, knows-all-my-secrets, her-family-is-my-second-family type friend. Instead, I had several good friendships which all lasted a few years and then slowly and naturally grew apart. College was no exception, and I drifted between groups for my first few years, until I pledged the co-ed social/honors fraternity and discovered the best "greek" experience possible, my own place on campus, and two of the most amazing best friends I could ever ask for. Even though I had actually met M my freshman year, we were reunited in the same pledge class and became quick friends. During the fall of my senior year, I met A as a pledge and knew immediately that I wanted her as a little. She and I are almost frighteningly similar and I'm pretty sure that we may share a brain. Even though I met these two ladies late in my college years, they were by far the best part of my college experience. They are truly the best friends I've ever had -- supportive, fun and down-to-earth girls who always get me and never let me down. The three of us had so much fun and made so many memories my senior year, and I am sad that I don't get to see them every day now. 
3. starting my new job: I spent a great deal of time and energy last spring worrying about what I was going to do with my life for the next few years. I knew I wanted to go to law school, but I also knew that I needed to take a year or two off to get some experience, regroup, and store up a good reserve of sleep before I embarked upon 3 years of hell. I knew that waiting tables for two years wouldn't exactly sparkle on my applications, but after applying for job after job.... after job.... after job and never getting so much as a courtesy rejection call, I started to get a little bit frustrated. Dads seem to have a talent for recognizing when their daughters need help, though, and when mine told me there was a job opening at his bank, I was desperate enough to know that I couldn't turn it down because it wasn't exactly my area of interest. I thank my lucky stars that I was mature enough to suck up my doubts, put on my heels, and show up the next day to meet with human resources. I never could have guessed how much I'd love this job, the people I work with, and... well... the paychecks aren't so bad either. It's not permanent, but being able to lie down at night and sleep instead of worrying about the next year or two is all I can ask for now.
2. graduating from college: It is still, more than 7 months later, unreal to me that I have a college degree. I worked my butt off for 4 whole years for that little piece of paper (written in Latin, no less -- just like my grandfather's), and I am incredibly proud of it. Walking up the steps of one of the oldest buildings in our country's history to accept my diploma was one of the most incredible things I've ever experienced.
1. engagement: The story of my engagement -- a fantastic but very lengthy tale -- is a story for another post, but suffice it to say that this was absolutely the best moment of my year -- if not my life. I am so lucky to be engaged to marry my best friend, my high school sweetheart, and my hero. I can't wait to get married!!!

11 Goals for 2011:

1. finish unpacking & decorating our apartment: Yes, there may still be a few lingering boxes. Yes, I feel pretty bad about that since we moved in almost 3 months ago. Yes, starting a full time job is totally an excuse, or at least it's the one I'm using. Yes, this needs to get done. Pronto.
2. learn lots of yummy new recipes and cook more often: While I am a damn good baker, if I may say so myself, my basic cooking skills leave a little a lot to be desired. There are a very few dishes that I make pretty well, but beyond these staples my time in the kitchen is typically a long series of errors with barely edible results. Ironically, though, I LOVE cooking (although I'd always rather be baking), so my goal this year is to try lots of new things, expand my repertoire, and not burn down the apartment in the process.
3. save money: It's true, I love to shop. Clothes, shoes, books, anything found at Target (well, maybe not anything)... I'm a sucker for a good sale. This year, though, I have to keep in mind that there are much better things worth saving for (yes, even better than another pair of heels): a wedding, a honeymoon, even a house sometime in the future. Not a bad trade-off for limiting the number of Starbucks trips every week.
4. continue running: It's not always fun and there are so many days that I'd much rather hide under the covers and nap with the cat, but I know that I have to keep at it to stay in good shape -- the weight won't lose itself. I hope to sign up for (and complete!) a few more races this year to keep me on track (literally).
5. keep up with this blog: So far, updating this little thing every few days has been pretty easy, but I'm always worried that I will run out of things to write about. Maybe this goal should actually be "have an interesting life for the next year."
6. keep it together through Dan leaving and make the deployment as easy as possible for him: This is probably the most challenging goal of the whole list. It's a little bit hard to get excited about this year when I realize that I'll be spending more than half of it alone, while Dan is training and then deployed. It's going to be really tough on both of us, but I know that we are strong enough to make it through just about anything. Hopefully I can hang in there, keep everything at home together, and find time to put together a few fantastic care packages for my love when he's a world away.
7. ace the LSATs and plan for the future: #1 project during the deployment. 'Nuf said.
8. watch more movies: #2 project during the deployment. Not very ambitious, but let's face it, I resolve to do this every year. My netflix queue is about 16 miles long, and I'm thinking lots of lonely nights curled up with the kitty and a good glass of wine will fix that little issue.
9. spend lots of time with friends: It's hard to be several cities away from most of my friends, but especially with Dan gone I know that they are going to be an amazing, essential support network for me. So many have already told me that I can come visit anytime, and I know that this year I have to force myself to be social when I'm feeling down and make a huge effort to spend lots of time with people I love.
10. get more sleep: Fairly self-explanatory. I usually get by on 4-5 hours a night and try to make up for it on the weekends, which makes getting me up early a hard job for even the jaws of life. I'm pretty sure I'd be a much happier person on 6-7 hours a night. Which leads me to my final goal for 2011....
11. BE HAPPY: Even when life is not perfect. Even when things go wrong. Even when work sucks. Even when things break. Even when my fiance is far away and I am alone. Even when I want to hide from everyone in the world, even the cat. Even when I don't think that it will get better. Making myself happy is a skill that I'm going to have to perfect over the next year, like or it not. I'm looking forward to getting damn good at it, and having an amazing year, no matter what life brings!

   Love,

    Meg