Randomosity

Life has been too busy lately to think in full sentences, so bullet points it is.

 -- Who made the decision to skip spring and forge straight ahead into summer... in March? I'd like to speak with them about paying my AC bill for the next few months.

 -- On the other hand, I am celebrating the return of grilling season. There is nothing better than cheeseburgers and corn straight from the grill... except when that meal is accompanied by a margarita. Just talking about it gets me all excited for dinner, and it's only 9:15. Going to be a loooong day, ladies and gentlemen.

 -- The other springtime perk I'm not complaining about? All the extra daylight hours lying around these days. I love being able to come home, change, spend a little quality time at the dog park, and then have plenty of time to still run outside before dinner.

 -- Thank goodness for awesome neighbors. Tuesday night, Dan and I were watching TV after dinner when I started to experience the blurry vision that means I'm getting my once-every-two-months migraine (it's like clockwork, I swear). I headed in to track down some Advil before trying to nap through the worse of the vision stuff, when I realized we had sudafed, benadryl, pepcid AC (for the dog, believe it or not), and zicam, but were out of both advil and the always-essential fast-acting tylenol. After a mini panic attack that involved searching through old purses in a desperate attempt to unearth just one pill (a difficult task when you can't even focus on your hand in front of your face), Dan texted our lovely upstairs neighbor, who also happens to be a nurse and the supervising human for two of Tess' very best friends. She immediately brought down several doses of at least three different choices of drugs, saving us from what would have otherwise meant either a miserable night or a miserable trip across town. Definitely a nice perk to apartment living.

 -- Even though the cards were stacked against me last night (lots of shin pain after my previous run, a lingering headache from the night before, and a stomach that wasn't exactly happy), I decided to head out for just a short run. The idea of going out with no goal mileage or planned route was kind of appealing, so I hit the road and told myself I would go as far as I felt ok, but if things started to go badly I'd head for home. (In the end, of course, I ended up taking the same route that I run almost everyday... I am sadly predictable.) Less than a mile in, though, I realized that my head, my legs, and my stomach would be the least of my worries. I had been drinking water all afternoon, and even though I went to the bathroom just before heading out, it didn't take long before I needed to go again. As I've experienced a few times before, the motion of running makes "holding it" harder than normal, so for several miles I was doggedly focused on just one thing: making it home before I peed in my pants. Too much information for a Thursday morning? 

 -- I was washing my face last night when our smaller-sized fluffball strolled right on into the bathroom, hopped onto the ledge of the bathtub (very normal), jumped down into the bathtub (very NOT normal), and proceeded to gulp (clean) water from the cup I use to rinse things down when I clean the tub. This is, for the record, the cat who has full access to both his own water dish and his sisters', which are kept full at all times. This fact didn't, however, keep me from feeling like a terrible fur-mama.

 -- I have to update a bit on my post last week about the Nike+ app, in which I wrote that one of the (few) disadvantages of the system was that you couldn't just glance at your pace, but had to swipe the screen to see it displayed. I've since figured out, however, that the app offers a "lock mode" during workouts, in which the screen is blocked against random tapping, but your time, distance, and pace are still displayed. The really great part about this feature is that if you double-tap the screen, it reads those stats to you at any time. Dangerously easy...

 -- I have a new friend. We've only known each other for a few days, but I can already tell that ours will be a love-hate relationship. We originally met because I've been trying to find a way to reduce some pain, but this friend... he is not always gentle. He is definitely not kind, even though I know that the longer I spend with him, the better off I will be. Sometimes he starts out easy, and I think that hanging out with him might feel just a little bit good, even a tiny bit relaxing. Before long, though, things get uncomfortable again. But I've been told that our time together is "supposed to hurt," so I suppose that I will keep him around for a while...

my new BFF: the foam roller... and a very spaced-out me after yesterday's run and rolling session

  -- And last but definitely not least: my awesome hubby got a job offer yesterday! I am so proud of him and excited for him to start, because I know the last few months of job searching have been long and frustrating. Last night I told him I wanted to take him out to celebrate, and he was practically beside himself with excitement to go here:

Our town's very own Cookout just opened, and while I hadn't even heard of the chain a month ago, Dan has asked almost every day for the past two weeks "Is Cookout open yet?!" This was a perfect (and cheap!) way to celebrate, and I have to say -- I may or may not already be craving another Oreo milkshake.

   Love,

    Meg

Time for a Change

I had a conversation with my husband this weekend that made me really sit back and think about some things. Poor hubby would probably recall the incident better as an explosion of tears and frustration and exhaustion that landed at his feet, rather out of the blue.... details, details. However you describe it, the incident inspired me to take a closer look at the way my life is playing out right now, leading me to a few fairly significant realizations. There's nothing like deep stuff to start off a Monday morning, right?

The past few months have been a little rough for a lot of reasons. Since the beginning of December, I lost my father, welcomed my husband home after over 8 months of living on my own, switched birth control twice (hello, hormones), tackled a huge project at work, and about a million other little tiny things that add to this snowball of change, adjustment, and stress. For weeks now, I've felt like I was running on empty: not getting enough sleep, not always eating well, working several hours of overtime each week, continuing to train hard without enough recovery time or the right fuel, pushing myself to keep going when my body was begging for me to slow down. And that's only half of the picture -- mentally, I've been battling a lot of stress, guilt, frustration, and doubt. My mind has been so taxed and tired that little things have become cataclysmic, challenges have become roadblocks, and each new stress has threatened to fling me into a tailspin. I've found myself completely unable to focus on things I need to accomplish, incredibly forgetful, drastically unmotivated. It also occurred to me this weekend that lately I've been concentrating far more on everyone around me than on myself, weighed down with the feeling that I'm letting people down. I've felt like I can't keep up with the demands (or at least perceived demands) of the people in my life, and that has led to some serious guilt.

I've had this general sense of "something's not right" for a while, but my exhausted self shoved the thought, like so many things, to the back burner. I was just too swamped to even face the idea that something was going to have to give. Until this weekend, when something so small I can't even remember it left me crying to Dan about how tired I was, how overwhelmed, how done. And then my hubby repeated something that he has said a lot lately, something that made me indignant and angry each time before. "You're never happy anymore," he said, "I miss the Meg who smiles and has fun." That's what it took for all of this to finally hit home. Since then, I've done a lot of thinking, a lot of soul searching... and he's right. I didn't want to admit she had been gone, but the truth is I miss her too. 

I don't want to overstate the problem or cause my poor mom any more concern than this is worth: I don't think I'm depressed or in need of clinical attention. I think right now, it's all about adjustment: adjusting to married life, adjusting to a job with new and different demands, adjusting to being an adult, out there in the real world without a safety net. I think it's about learning who I am and what I need and how to make that work. It's about pulling myself out of a pothole and teaching myself to avoid the next one.

As far as I can tell, there are just a few changes I need to make in my life right now... but they are big ones. If you know me even a little bit, you know that I handle change about as well as a giraffe can hide on a beach. These changes, especially, are going to require a rather large leap out of my comfort zone. They require some relearning, reshuffling, and a lot of re-evaluation. In the next few weeks, I'm hoping to focus much more closely on my priorities -- not necessarily what they have been, but what they should be. I'm hoping to take the time to recognize which activities are important and beneficial to me, and which ones are a waste of time and energy. I'm hoping to make some time to take care of myself and my own needs. I'm hoping to let go of some undeserved guilt that needs to be, once and for all, left behind -- an undertaking that is much easier said than done, but one that I am determined to finish this time around. I'm hoping to do whatever it takes, minute by minute, to worry less, relax more, compare less, smile more. Because really, life's too short not to smile enough.

(babies always know best)

   Love,

    Meg

Friday Favorites

So far, this Friday morning has felt suspiciously like a Monday -- frustrations abound, patience does not, and the hours left until the weekend seem too many to count without giving in and curling up under my desk for a nap. But although I am short on time and energy, there are at least a few happy things inspiring me to get through the day without gathering up everything on my desk and just dropping it directly into the shredder box:

Pretty pink nails (a very rare occurrence around here, inspired by the spring weather) and toes that are also happy to be enjoying the a little warmth.

♥ this

Sore legs -- the good kind of sore that mean my runs this week have been quality. It has been amazing to get back to running outside and feeling less of that bad sort of pain this week. I've struggled a bit with motivation and getting used to some increased mileage, but I pushed myself hard this week and am proud that I got so many miles in. I'm hoping that after the weekend this will end up being a 30(-ish) mile week, and while I'd love to be hitting 40 mile weeks like I was at the peak of training last summer/fall, I'm extremely happy with how I've bounced back from a rather rough winter.

Sometimes the 80-year-old woman in me comes out to play. I had an odd craving for Raisin Bran recently, so I picked up a box last weekend and have had it for breakfast every day this week. I finished the box this morning, and it was delicious. In all honesty, I'm not a huge fan of the raisins, but it is worth suffering through them for the "bran" part. When we grocery shop this week, though, I'm already excited to go back to my very favorite:

(My name is Meg, and I am addicted to cereal...)

Speaking of addictions: I've seen praise for this little piece of genius floating around the blog world a lot lately, and I have to say that I, too, am absolutely and hopelessly obsessed. I am not a big game person (the only "game" I play regularly on my iPad is the wonderful Sporcle), but I have definitely wasted more hours of my life than I'd like to admit on this in the past few days. I am an absolutely terrible artist and feel so bad for the random people I've been matched with, but I am having way too much fun to stop.

These guys never get old. Love, love, love.

We are taking my step-mom out to dinner tonight to celebrate her birthday, and my mouth is already watering. There will be an excellent salad, top-notch bread basket, juicy prime rib, baked potato, and an excellent glass of wine (or 2). I will probably be miserable all night and into tomorrow, but it will absolutely be worth it. I shouldn't even mention that dessert will be waiting for us at home in the form of this...

{via}

... which will surely not look as good as those, but hopefully will taste as amazing. If you need me for the rest of the weekend, I'll be in a food coma.

So now it's just a matter of convincing the clock to work a little faster, nudging it forward towards 5:00. So close, yet so far away....

Happy weekend, everyone!

   Love,

    Meg

Nike Saves the Day

Sometime last spring, when the weather got warm and I ventured off the treadmill and out onto the road, I began to develop an oddly shaped, oddly colored, semi-permanent lump on my left arm. The fact that it was light green was only slightly concerning, and the glowing light didn't worry me too much, but I did get kind of uneasy when it started to beep at me...

That's right... as quickly as I became an outside runner my Garmin emerged as an extended appendage. Like most runners I know, I developed a begrudging obsession with this sweaty accessory: it was so easy to monitor my pace that all of a sudden I wanted to know exactly what it was at all times. Some days I spent more time watching my stats than I did watching the road under my feet (which I suppose could explain a few things), caring more about how my splits came in than how I was feeling. Comfort and even logic went out the window -- my biggest priority on each run was seeing a pace I could be proud of every time I glanced at my wrist (ie every 15 seconds or so). Garmin provided the last word on the results of any given run: negative splits? Speedier pace? Longer distance? I could be dead on the side of the road, but if my numbers were good, that was all that mattered.

There were several dark days last summer when Garmin failed me... a few mid-July runs where my sweat shorted out the poor guy and shut him down halfway through my course, strange instances when my battery would drop from fully charged to dangerously low in less than an hour, and of course days when those elusive satellites couldn't be located no matter how much I coaxed cursed. The few times I had to run without my not-so-trusty friend, I felt lost and unfocused. I hated not knowing my exact numbers, and instead of relaxing and just running by feel, I spent the miles mapping out courses in my head, frantically estimating distances, convinced I was barely moving. It was a terrible addiction, a sticky love-hate relationship.

On Sunday, after covering such a large percentage of my mileage the past few months on the treadmill, I was thrilled to get outside for a gorgeous run. Unfortunately, what should have been lovely took a sharp turn towards ugly when, less than half a mile from home, my fully-charged, Garmin started that dreaded beep. I gritted my teeth and looked down to see "Low battery" blinking on the screen, choking back the urge to rip the thing off my arm and hurl it into the nearby swimming pool. I turned around and stomped back home, fuming a little more each time it emitted a pathetic, dying beep. I wasn't about to sit around for another hour waiting for the thing to charge itself again, especially since I had a sneaking suspicion I'd just end up facing the same problem again. I flopped down next to my husband (who was still half asleep), launched into a tirade full of words that I really shouldn't share here, and clipped the offending Garmin in to charge. In my haze of ire, I pushed the start button to turn the darn thing on... and immediately, to the dismay of my poor confused hubby, burst into tears. The screen requested that I pick a language. English? it prompted, which I knew meant only one thing: it had been reset.

Months of times and splits and distances and totals... gone. Race data... wiped. Sure, I had written down the basic info about each run (total distance, overall pace). But all of the details I had been meaning to load onto my laptop someday? Erased in the blink of an eye. I was a frightening mix of devastated and livid... it was not pretty.

In my anger, I tossed my former friend to the side and grabbed my knight in shining armor -- the iPhone. I typed "Run GPS" into the App Store and within seconds had fallen head over heels for a new love:

Meet the Nike+ app. This baby does everything but actually run the miles for you: it tracks your course, pace (by the second, literally), calories, totals, PRs, weather, and more. It plays your music for you. It shows you a full map of each run, color coded by pace. It speaks to you, reading your total distance, time, and overall pace at user-defined intervals. It plays you inspirational messages from elite runners when you need a little pick-me-up. It is accurate, thorough, and everything a numbers girl like me could ever wish for.

I've only used it twice so far (Sunday's run and another beautiful 70-degree outing last night), but already I am practically sold. Here's a quick breakdown of what I can tell so far:

Pros:

 -- maps the course right there on your phone, making it easy to go back and remember the details of your route

 -- provides a clear picture of the fastest and slowest points of your run:

lovely green downhills

 -- eliminates the need to look at a screen constantly by updating you (as often as every quarter mile, although I have it set to half miles) on your distance and pace. I love having this read to me as I continue to focus on where I'm going, instead of having to look down at my wrist at just the right time while the Garmin cycles through stats

 --tracks record distances and speeds, making it easy to set goal paces and tempting to outrun my previous sessions

 -- I haven't tested this, but there is also an option for treadmill runs -- I have no idea how this would work, but I'm definitely going to experiment with it

 -- smoothly imports playlists so that you can pause or skip a song right from the app, and allows you to designate "power songs" for a boost when you need it

 -- the overall layout of the app is very impressive: it offers so much information and possibility, but everything is easily accessible and self-explanatory. The screen displayed during runs is simple and uncluttered, and historical data is easy to retrieve

 -- imports data to the nike+ website, which includes even more details about each run, goal setting, challenges to join, training programs to load, and so much more. Also (theoretically) a more foolproof way to save data than the prone-to-epic-failure Garmin

 -- less chance of technical failure (again, theoretically) -- at least so far, I have not had to wait a single second to load satellites or connect to a network or plug into the heavens before heading out to run

 -- one less thing to charge, remember to bring with me when I run after work, and carry on my runs (I always bring my phone for entertainment/safety anyway)

Cons:

 -- harder to check pace at any given second (you have to swipe the lock screen to see the pace display)

 -- no function (that I've found so far, at least) equivalent to Garmin's pace buddy:

I kind of liked smoking that little guy...

 -- while it's fine for regular training runs, I'm not sure that I want to be carrying my phone during a race (I'm going to look into an armband, although I may also decide to revert to the Garmin just for races)

... I think we have a winner. As sad as I am to admit that my little Garmin, who I have (mostly) loved so well in the past year, is not as capable or convenient, it's tough to argue with all those advantages to the Nike+ system. It's been fun to watch my total miles add up each time I open the app, and I love knowing that when I'm ready to hit the road, it's ready to go with me. Best of all, though, I am hoping that it will break me of my little pace obsession -- during my first two runs, I only checked the screen once or twice to see where I was, instead pushing myself to hold what I thought was a good pace until the next half-mile update. I hope that this will help me tune into myself a bit more and get to know what my paces feel like, as opposed to struggling to hit a certain number on the screen.

Is there anyone else out there who uses or has used Nike+? Love it or hate it? I'm curious to hear everyone's thoughts on how it compares to Garmin!

   Love,

    Meg

Monday Moans

I'll go ahead now and apologize for the mindless drivel I will be attempting to pass as noteworthy today... it may be Monday, but my brain is still (at least) an hour behind. I've tried to liven things up a bit with some humorous clips, but if you're looking for something meaningful...

you should probably come back tomorrow. Consider yourself warned.

This weekend consisted of equal parts celebration...

(for a few exciting things that will hopefully be official-enough-to-be-blogworthy soon)

and dreading coming back to work today....

 

 I hoped that if I hid effectively, Monday morning might pass me by,

but it seems to have spotted me despite being disguised by the covers...

 ... and here it is, overbearing and annoying as ever.

 So I dragged myself through a run, feeling a bit like this...

and now I'm at work, buried not under snuggly blankets, but piles of paperwork. Nowhere near as warm and fuzzy, trust me.

I'm doing my best to be productive today....

in hopes that tomorrow won't be quite as bad. 

For now, though....

I'm ready for lunch.

Love,

 Meg

Yawn

I would love to have something exciting to share with you today. It would be fun to talk about fantastic long runs or fancy new recipes or good news I've received or some deep epiphany I've had about my life lately. In reality, though, the most exciting things in my life are as follows:

 -- My run last night was made utterly miserable by the smelly, loud, disgustingly annoying guy on the treadmill next to me, who spent his time clinging to the front handlebar grips for dear life as he cranked it way up and attempted to sprint. He came within inches of flying off completely at least twice. I hate to be judgmental at the gym, but I it is so frustrating to be stuck next to someone who is essentially goofing off.

 -- We baked gourmet slice-and-bake chocolate chip cookies last night and I proceeded to consume as many as I possibly could... I lost count somewhere around cookie #6. I have no self-control when it comes to these things.

 -- I made my favorite super-easy sauteed veggie dish (garlic, onion, squash, mushroom, and okra this time) last night for the first time in forever, so lunch today is that and my favorite couscous. I'm not even hungry but I'm dying to eat it all right now... it will be a wonder if I make it until 10:30.

 -- A significant increase in mileage in the past week or so has left me practically unable to walk today. The soreness has been building for a few days but this morning's run was cut short thanks to serious muscle pain and general exhaustion. It's hard when I want nothing more than to keep pushing myself back into half-marathon shape, but my body insists that I slow down a bit. I think tonight may call for some yoga.

 -- A project at work recently has left me feeling like I'm running a marathon in 100 degree weather with a space suit on... while dragging at least 2 coworkers behind me as dead weight. The finish line looms somewhere mid-April, but right now that is a loooooong way away and it's been miles since the last water station.

 -- My desk is a mess and it. is. killing. me. My apartment is also a mess, which is even more frustrating considering the several hours I spent cleaning just a few days ago. Thanks to a dog who likes to play in the mud and a cat who leaves a trail of fur everywhere he goes, just keeping our living room and bedroom clean is a struggle. And that's before you even get to the dishes in my kitchen, which seem to spontaneously leap from the cabinets at night and pile themselves in the sink.

 -- The next thing on my wedding to-do list is to pick and build a wedding website. This weekend, I started to do "a little bit of research" on which ones I liked best... and now several days later I have a list longer than my arm of cute templates and designs. I think I need to hire a wedding planner just to make these decisions for me -- I'll do all the time-consuming work, I just need someone who is capable of actually making a choice.

So there you have it, the exciting life and times. I hope for all of our sakes that something wonderful happens soon, if only so I will have improved blogging material. Until then... Happy Wednesday!

   Love,

    Meg

I'd Rather Be Sledding

I suppose I can think of worse ways to start the week:

tough to see, but there are lots of snowflakes outside that window

I had the gym to myself this morning and got to watch the snow fall as I ran. Normally I'd be frustrated to be relegated to the treadmill, but I can't really complain after two great runs outside this weekend. Both were a bit chilly, but Saturday I was even brave enough to wear shorts and didn't regret the choice too much. It was just so wonderful to be outside that even the crazy fierce wind both days couldn't ruin the miles. I am dying to get back to some of my normal routes, but I'm doing my best to work up slowly in hopes that the improved-but-still-present pain in my right shin won't get any worse. There are so many races I am just itching to sign up for in the coming months, but I'm holding off until I can be positive that I'm 100% ready for them.

This weekend was full of other nice things, as well -- birthday celebrations, yummy food, chances to sleep late, frozen yogurt, catching up with friends, wedding excitement, and lots of cuddles with a certain sleepy fellow...

Lest the weekend be too happy, though, fate was sure to even the score with a few low points: several hours of undesired apartment cleaning, a quick slide down a muddy hill on my *ahem* derriere thanks to an overenthusiastic puppy, and a particularly nagging headache on Saturday certainly did the trick. None of these little hiccups, however, could keep me from sitting here at my overflowing desk and wishing like heck that it was still the weekend. Especially since this:

clearly states one thing: snow day. It's times like this that I'm not a fan of the real world.

Happy Monday... if you believe in that sort of thing!

   Love,

    Meg